


two self-destructive people

by SerpentineJ



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: I didn't mean to buy a one-way ticket to shipping hell, M/M, hi yes can i get a refund
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 18:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5880433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerpentineJ/pseuds/SerpentineJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An ADA who's just lost his grandmother and a detective whose family has been recently fractured walk into a bar. What could go wrong. (set after s16e17.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	two self-destructive people

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: i have like seven barisi fics in progress and. this is like 6k words this is nineteen pages this might actually be the longest continuous fic i have ever written i hate my life
> 
> i swear im gonna update “meet the family” this week. i swear it
> 
> also why do i spell counselor as "councillor" when it's a lawyer????? idk apparently it technically means "member of a council" but counselor (which is the right one i think) makes me feel like i'm in grade school so. im gonna keep using my weird "councillor".

"Fuck my life." Sonny groans.

What a shitstorm. He leans back in his desk chair, slouching, dropping his arms over his head, exhaling with a great sigh.

Across the desk from him, Rollins looks up.

"You alright?" She asks- not really concerned, more inquiring. "You should go home."

He pinches his lips, lifts his head off the chair's headrest to peer at her. 

"I dunno." Sonny says. "You guys alright here?"

Amanda nods slightly. "Just some paperwork." She replies. "I can finish the rest, and we've got the day off tomorrow anyways, so I can stay a little late if I need to."

Carisi breathes out, relieved. "Thanks, Amanda." He sighs, shutting the file on his desk, turning off his computer, tugging on his coat. "I owe you."

Rollins shrugs. "This way, I can put in for overtime." She deadpans, scribbling her signature on another form. "Go home, Carisi."

~~~~~~

Sonny doesn't go home.

Instead, he takes the subway three stops down from the one near the precinct, and walks to a bar he knows pretty well- one of the more well-known watering holes for uni students and beat cops alike, favored for its reasonable prices, large selection of alcohol, and an 'all you can drink, as long as you pay for it and call a cab when you're done' policy.

He filled a couple shifts there when he was younger, actually, part-time- a buddy got him a gig, but he didn't stay long 'cause he got his shield and started law school a couple months later, which came coupled with a decent pay hike and an onslaught of legal schoolwork, respectively. 

Sonny can still mix a mean Manhattan, though.

He sighs, exhales in relief as soon as he steps in the door. It's pretty quiet, as most bars are around 4 pm- the typical crowd of after-work drinkers still have some time left on their nine-to-five clocks, so the only people there are a woman nursing one of those fruity-looking drinks in the corner (though, Sonny knows, those things pack a hell of a punch if they're made right), a nondescript guy in a hoodie and jeans in one of the booths with a beer, and-

-wait a second.

He knows the guy at the bar.

"Councillor?" Carisi calls, approaching him. "Holy crap, it is you."

Barba looks up. He doesn't look great.

"Carisi." He replies. "What a pleasure." The sarcasm is evident in his voice.

Sonny rolls his eyes. "Good to see you too, Barba." He says, and hell, he's had a rough day, he can be a little snippy if he wants. 

"Hey, Sonny!" The bartender comes over and grins at him. "Beer?"

"Yeah, thanks, Jason." Carisi says gratefully.

Barba glares sideways at him. "Why are you here?" He mutters. Geez, he must be buzzed. Usually he's at least artful, in control of his sarcasm- now, with that scowl on his face, he just looks irritated.

"Well, it's been a shit day, I wanted a drink." Carisi snipes back. "You don't own the bar."

"I could if I wanted to." Barba mutters into his- scotch? whiskey? something dark and strong that he knocks back in a gulp, barely wincing at the burn that Sonny knows must have streaked down his throat. Figures that Barba's a hard, fine liquor man. Carisi wonders what else he might like hard and fine- fuck, no, don't think about that now.

Jason comes back, handing Carisi a beer- oh, the brand he likes, good- and tops up Barba's drink. "Thanks, man." Sonny says.

"No problem." The other guy nods. "You look like you've had a rough one."

Sonny snorts derisively and pops the bottle open, taking a drink, setting it back on the napkin (so it doesn't leave a ring on the wood- he's not a heathen, you know) and props his elbows up on the edge of the bar. 

"That's an understatement." He sighs. "My sister's still a little ballistic about this case."

Jason leans onto the bar. "Need someone to listen?" He asks, a sympathetic tone to his voice. "I'm a bartender, it's basically in my job description."

Carisi chuckles. "Nah, I'm fine." He replies. "Just wanted a couple drinks before I go home and crash."

Man, Jason's such a nice guy. And kinda cute. Sonny considered asking him out when he first met him, honestly, but apparently he's on-again, off-again seeing this biology major a year above them.

"Alright." Jason nods. "Just let me know when you want a top-up."

"Will do." Sonny smiles at him.

Barba's pointedly ignoring him. Maybe he thinks if he pretends Sonny doesn't exist, he'll leave him alone. Or just disappear.

Fat fucking chance, Sonny thinks, taking another drink from his beer. He needs someone to bitch to right now.

"Bella and Tommy are still pretty shaky right now." Carisi says into his drink, not glancing directly at the man beside him, no matter how much he wants to. "She's... still deciding whether or not she wants to keep the baby."

He can practically hear Barba rolling his eyes. 

"I'm sorry," he begins, and, oh, beginning with an apology? Sonny's about to get either tearfully confided in or cut to ribbons with derision. From his tone, probably the latter. "But what gave you the -very mistaken, mind you- impression that I cared?"

"Somebody's grumpy." Sonny deadpans, before pausing. "I dunno. You did good on this case, Councillor." He hesitates. "Thank you."

Barba doesn't reply, but takes another sip of whatever he's drinking. Carisi can see the tips of his ears have turned vaguely pink- is it his imagination? Or just excessive alcohol consumption?

Is it warm in here? It's a little warm in here. Definitely.

"Why are you here, anyways?" He asks after a moment of silence, aware even as the words are leaving his mouth that Barba's probably thinking, 'dear god, why won't he shut up and leave me to drink in peace'. Damn his instinct to make conversation with everyone.

That gets a dry chuckle from Barba.

"My grandmother died." He says bluntly, draining his glass and setting it back down on the bar with a light thunk.

Oh.

"Uh." Sonny says eloquently. Fuck, he's been poking - well, fun and some not-so-fun- at this guy all day when his grandma just died? What kind of monster is he? "Do you... need someone to talk to?" He trails off at the absolutely searing glare the other man throws him.

"I don't like talking about my feelings." Barba mutters. "Especially not to detectives. I'm not like you, Carisi."

Jason comes back to wordlessly refill the Councillor's drink.

Sonny frowns. "I happen to take that as a sign of my high emotional intelligence." He replies before remembering, fuck, Sonny, the guy's grandma just died, restrain yourself. "I'm... very sorry for your loss."

Barba snorts. "I hope that's not how you talk to the vic's families on the job." He says dryly. "That was the most rehearsed condolence I've ever heard, and I've had a lot of people kissing my ass."

"Not rehearsed." Sonny mutters, definitely not pettily. Man, he's an ass even when he's grieving. "Just a little awkward."

"A little awkward." He laughs. It's a weird laugh, half-bitter, half-amused, with a dash of deprecation. It sits strangely on the tips of Carisi's ears. "Try terribly hesitant."

Sonny sighs at him. "Alright, fine." He replies. "I am sorry your grandma... passed."

Barba doesn't respond. He drinks.

Sonny drinks with him.

~~~~~~

Three hours later.

The bar is markedly more full, but Sonny and Barba are still there. 

It's been three fucking hours, Sonny thinks. He's had so many beers he can't think straight, and Barba's definitely had a few too many scotches (whiskies, bourbons, whatever, Sonny doesn't care)- his jacket is draped over the bar (which Barba had made sure was free of crumbs and liquid), and his tie is loosened considerably, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, long fingers wrapped around his glass.

He looks absolutely amazing.

Carisi knows that, fuck, he should stop staring, but he's always been an impulsive guy, y'know? And the way the light from the low, warm lamps above the bar brightens Barba's eyes, makes them weirdly green, should be fucking illegal.

Barba frowns at him. "What?" He snaps. "Something on my face?"

"Uh." Sonny stammers. Why is his throat so dry? He takes another drink from his bottle, gulping. "Nah, nothin'."

The other man furrows his eyebrows suspiciously.

"I'm not sure why you're still here, Carisi." He mutters. "This is a one-man pity party."

Carisi shrugs. "One-man pity parties usually don't end well." He responds. To be honest, he only partly knows why he's here, and it might have something to do with the fact that he's got a mad dumb crush on the guy, and he thinks he'd feel bad if he up and ditched him now, when he's obviously grieving, Barba-style, but it might also be related to the way that Barba's shirt stretches across his back-

Goddamnit. He takes another swig.

"Okay." He sighs, draining his beer. "I think I'm done. Councillor?"

"'m not a lawyer right now." Barba says. "Barba."

Sonny blinks in surprise. "Okay. Barba. Where do you live? C'mon, I'll call you a cab."

Barba snorts. "Think you're gonna get a cab in New York City at rush hour? Moron." He shakes his head. "Plus, I'm older than you, I don't need you to take care of me."

Jason- hey, his shift must be ending soon, right?- pauses in his managing of the bar and its eager patrons to lean over to speak to them.

"Hey, Sonny." He says. "You probably want to get your friend here home. I'm cutting you both off- as your friend, not your bartender." He winks. "You're gonna have a wicked hangover tomorrow morning, man, and we have that assessment tomorrow night."

Carisi laughs. "Thanks, Jase." Before he knows what he's doing, his hand lands on Barba's elbow. "Come on, Councillor, time to go."

Barba follows him with only a token grumble, and man, he must be smashed, because he stumbles when he stands from his barstool, and doesn't even complain when Carisi passes him his jacket, putting his hands on his shoulders, steering him towards the door. 

If Sonny is using this opportunity to cop a bit of a feel- does it count as 'copping a feel' if he's only touching Barba's arm? Even if they are very nice, strong arms?- he decides to dismiss it as a result of the alcohol. 

"Go where?" The other man mutters. "It's literally impossible to get a cab at this hour, especially in this part of the city." He opens the door and steps outside, Carisi following closely.

This might be a bad idea, Sonny thinks.

Fuck it.

Sonny's made his life out of bad ideas.

"My place is a couple blocks down." He says, faking nonchalance, shrugging. "Come on. You can crash on my couch."

"I'm not sleeping on your couch, Carisi." Barba protests. "I'm not that desperate."

Carisi frowns. His head feels slightly clearer- it must be the chill city air. "Liv'll kill me if I just... leave you here, 'cause you're totally smashed, and sorry, but she's scarier than you." He tugs on the other man's arm. "I promise it's a comfortable couch."

Barba heaves a sigh, but follows, reluctantly. "How far is it, anyways?" He grumbles. "I'm not walking for an hour in Manhattan."

"Not far. Ten minutes, max." Carisi responds. He doesn't let go of Barba's forearm- he can't lose him, after all. Olivia will actually kill him. "It's a walk-up, though."

Barba rolls his eyes. "I grew up in the Bronx, Carisi. I know about walk-ups." He replies, definitely not petulantly. Man, who would have guessed ADA Rafael Barba turns into a ten-year-old after a few drinks, Sonny thinks.

Of course, if Barba is a kid, then Sonny is a blushing schoolgirl. As buzzed as he is, he can't stop thinking about the fact that if he slid his hand down a mere few inches, just a little bit, he and Barba would technically be holding hands-

Oh, shit. This is his turn. Focus, Sonny.

"You live in a real shithole, Carisi." Barba snarks. "Great neighborhood, really."

Sonny frowns at him. "'s not that bad." He says. "Plus, you said you grew up in the Bronx. No offense, but that area's a lot worse than here."

"There's more annoying tourists in Manhattan." The other man responds.

Well, Sonny can't argue with that one.

"Oh." He says, stopping dead in his tracks. "This is my building."

Barba's eyebrows furrow as he looks upwards.

"How many floors?" He sighs.

Sonny chuckles. "Just three."

Barba snorts. "Three? Are you kidding? My abuelita lived in a six-story-" He seems to catch himself- gasp!- possibly revealing something personal to Sonny Carisi, of all people, and frowns.

"Come on." He mutters. "Let's go."

Sonny smiles- a drunk smile, to be honest- and holds the door open for Barba.

When they get to his door (after greeting a very cheerful Mrs. Halloway on the second flight of stairs, who'd given Rafael an appreciative once-over and Sonny a wink, which he wasn't entirely sure what to make of), Barba's nearly swaying on his feet, and Carisi fumbles for his key fob.

"Hurry up." Barba grumbles. "You're so disorganized."

Sonny huffs, searching through his pants pockets. "Not as much as my middle sister- Gina." He responds. "She's always losing stuff."

Barba rolls his eyes. "Again, Carisi, I don't care." he replies. "Open the damn door."

Carisi finally finds his keys and slots them into the door, snickering quietly when Barba nearly falls through the doorframe, his balance clearly shot. 

"Don't laugh at me." He mutters. "It's not like you're any more sober."

"I'm a little bit more sober." Sonny concedes. Of course, Barba had probably had a couple drinks head start on him. And he had been drinking hard liquor, instead of beer. "Come on. I'll make up the couch for you."

Barba's swaying where he stands, and oh man, he looks like he's gonna pass out. 

"Here, bathroom's to the left, bedroom's to the right. I think I have some spare sweats if you want." Sonny's kinda babbling now, scratching the back of his head. "You can, uh. Wash up, or whatever."

Barba rubs his face with both hands and heads to the bathroom, and Carisi takes a moment to appreciate the sheer incredible bizarreness of his current situation. ADA Rafael Barba in his apartment, smashed, in emotional duress, washing his face in Sonny's sink. He might wear Sonny's clothes. He's gonna be sleeping on Sonny's couch.

Fuck.

It's gonna take a hell of a lot of willpower not to crawl onto that couch tonight, isn't it.

"Where the fuck are your towels?" Barba's cranky voice comes from the bathroom.

Sonny sighs.

~~~~~~

About twenty minutes later.

"Hey, Barba." Sonny knocks on the door to his own bedroom, leaning on the frame. "You in there?" He pauses. "You didn't throw up, did you?"

There's no answer. He begins to grow concerned.

"Councillor, if you don't respond, I'm coming in." 

No response. Not even a grumble. Sonny turns the doorknob, slowly, quietly.

Barba's passed out on his bed.

Carisi has a moment of panic- fuck, is he dead? Wouldn't this be a great situation to explain to Liv- before he sees the gentle rise and fall of the other man's chest, the gentle breaths that leave his lungs. His suit is neatly folded on the nightstand, tie and pocket square set smoothly on top- god, the guy's a perfectionist even when he's drunk beyond belief.

He's wearing his own undershirt- it must be the one he was wearing under his suit- but a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants that he must have dug out of the bottom drawer of Sonny's dresser. Sonny's hit with an extraordinary wave of- what is it? Possessiveness? Satisfaction? Endearment? God, he thinks, he feels like a friggin' sap just trying to put a name to the warm feeling that curls itself in the bit of his stomach, like a warm tendril of golden light. 

Or something.

Oh. He's sleeping on top of the covers. Damnit. The heating system in this building is complete shit, sometimes not working at all, and he'll definitely catch something wearing only some sweats through the entire night.

Sonny sighs, and goes to grab his own pajamas out of his dresser- he'll just change in the bathroom- and pulls the half of the blanket that Barba isn't lying on top of over the other man, making sure the corners tuck in neatly. 

He looks like a burrito. A Barba burrito. Carisi stifles a snort, and turns out the light on the bedside table.

"G'night, Rafael." He says softly, closing the door soundlessly.

~~~~~~

Luckily, he's so... buzzed, tired, drunk, wiped-out that the fact that the subject of more than a few of his recent late-night fantasies is sleeping in his bedroom isn't so distracting that it keeps him from his main objective- sleep. Sonny tugs on his spare sweats and a long-sleeve and grabs the extra blanket he keeps in the bathroom closet in case anyone needs to crash on his couch.

He collapses on the sofa, pulling the blanket up to his chest, and sighs.

He falls asleep almost immediately.

~~~~~~

Ten o'clock the next morning.

Carisi wakes to sun in his face and the sound of New York City traffic hazy in the air.

"Hnng." He says eloquently, throwing an arm over his eyes to block the light- he's usually up before seven, so the sun is low enough that it's prevented from streaming through his windows by the high buildings on all sides of his apartment, and it's been a while since he did any serious drinking, between the SVU and law school.

Man, his head hurts.

The best cure for a hangover, his oldest sister, Teresa, had taught him when he had gone to college for the first time, is three bottles of water and greasy breakfast food. Carisi debilitates for a moment before heaving himself up, shaking his head, stopping in the bathroom to piss, brush his teeth, frown at the state of his hair, and heading to the kitchen. He's probably got eggs, bacon, pancake mix- everything he needs for a carb-filled breakfast to chase away this friggin' hangover.

Sonny pours himself a glass of water, and swallows the whole thing in four gulps.

He gets the vague feeling he's forgetting something.

Wait.

Oh my God, Barba's in his bedroom.

Carisi freezes, standing in front of his fridge, before running a hand through his already very dishevelled hair- fuck, what is he gonna do? Is Barba supposed to be in court right now? Does Barba remember anything from last night? Fuck, did he do anything embarrassing while Barba was watching?

Okay. Okay, he thinks, focus, Sonny. Focus.

His stomach reminds him that his current focus should be food.

He'll deal with Barba later.

~~~~~~

About ten minutes later.

Sonny's just taking the bacon off the stove- enough for two, because from what he remembers of last night, Barba's gonna have an even worse hangover than he does- when the man himself stumbles out of Carisi's bedroom, rubbing his eyes, looking, frankly, ridiculously cute in Sonny's clothes.

"What the fuck happened." He mutters. When he looks up, sees Sonny, his entire frame visibly tenses. "What the fuck."

Sonny rolls his eyes. "Gee, thanks. Exactly what a guy wants to hear after he lets someone crash at his place." He snarks. "I guess you don't want breakfast, then."

Barba's eyes flit to the food at Carisi's elbow, and the eggs now cooking on the stove.

"Nnng." He grumbles incoherently before he pads into the bathroom, presumably to use the facilities, wash his face, brush his teeth. (Sonny left an extra toothbrush on the counter. His ma did teach him about hospitality, you know.) 

He splits the food onto two plates and sets them on the dining table- well, Sonny calls it a dining table. It's really basically a small desk, which probably seats two people, max- to be honest, he's rarely had anyone over to his apartment to eat, besides the occasional pizza-and-sports-game night on the couch with some law school friends. He spends most of his time on the job, or at law school, or out with friends- really, his apartment's more of a home base than anything, a place to sleep and touch base and spend the occasional day in, cooking and watching tv.

"Okay." Barba emerges from the bathroom, looking- well, not great, but better than before. "What the hell happened."

Sonny shrugs, spearing a bit of egg with his fork.

"You got really smashed, Barba." He says. "Like, you were wonky even coming out of the bar, I couldn't let you drive. How would that look? An ADA, charged with a DUI?" He laughs.  
Barba frowns, sits down across from Carisi. 

"Why were you there?" He asks, half-confused, half-irritated. His eyes are kinda bloodshot. "I remember you getting there, but not why you stuck around."

Sonny swallows his mouthful of pancake. "I couldn't just ditch you, Liv woulda had my job." He replies, half-smiling. His headache is beginning to recede. Thank god for greasy diner food. "Eat, it'll make your head less... painful."

"Yes, thank you, I know how a hangover works." Barba grumbles, but he picks up his fork nonetheless. "I've had them before."

Sonny chuckles.

~~~~~~

Apparently Barba doesn't need to be in court today, but he's got stuff to do at the office, so he dresses after eating and leaves with Sonny's directions on how to get back to the bar, where he'd left his car- it's not until Sonny heads into his bedroom (and definitely doesn't lie down, for a moment, in the spot where Barba had slept last night, even if it does smell like him- he's not that sad. Definitely not.) and glances over his tie rack that he does a double take. 

Barba's tie is in his closet.

And the one that's usually hanging there is missing- light blue and green stripes, which would have worked with the suit Barba had been wearing. He must have... switched them out? Without noticing? And taken one of Sonny's instead? Fuck, Sonny can't think of a single way this could have happened by accident, especially seeing as Barba's clothes had been set on the nightstand, not in his closet, and the fact that Barba's ties are probably much different in terms of quality than Sonny's. 

Holy shit. Ho-ly shit.

Sonny buries his head in his hands.

~~~~~~

Carisi doesn't stop thinking about The Tie for hours- after ten minutes of trying to change his clothes without staring at it, he gives in, takes it in his hands, and goddamn, he was right. Barba's tie feels smooth and satiny in his hands, definitely more expensive than anything Sonny owns. It's a blue patterned number, navy with little periwinkle diamonds, the stitching fine enough that the seams are so sharp they're practically invisible, and he gets the strangest urge to wrap it around his fist before he thinks that if Barba did somehow leave it by accident he'll be super pissed if Carisi wrinkles it.

He sighs, hangs it back on the shelf, pulls on his maroon sweatshirt and a pair of jeans. Maybe he'll go to the library today, finish that paper for his constitutional law class.

If he can focus.

~~~~~~

He can't focus.

~~~~~~

The next day.

"Carisi." Liv waves him into her office. Sonny gets up from his desk.

She closes the door behind him. "I need you to head down to the DA's office, pick up some files from ADA Dennis."

"Giving up an opportunity to go and heckle Barba?" Sonny chuckles. 

Olivia rolls her eyes at him. "I've got paperwork to do, I'm the Lieutenant now." She smiles. "Go, ask him for the Rondow files."

"Aye-aye, Captain." He nods, grinning, and leaves the office, stops at his desk to grab his coat, heads out the precinct door.

~~~~~~

"Detective Carisi, right?" Dennis snaps his fingers, grins. He's a young guy, white, sandy blonde hair, bright gray eyes, and an affable smile that, if Sonny knows anything, hides some serious courtroom vitriol, because just as there are no accidental billionaires, there are no accidental Assistant District Attorneys.

"Yeah. Call me Sonny, most people do." Sonny replies. "Sergeant Benson sent me over here to pick up some files?"

The ADA nods. "Right, right, she said she'd send someone over to get the stuff from the Rondow case." He grabs a box from under his desk and hands it to the Detective. "That should be it."

"Thanks." Carisi responds, pauses for a beat. "Hey, can I ask you a question?"

Dennis looks at him, surprised. "Sure." He replies.

Fuck it. Dennis seems like a nice guy, and according to his secretary, a damn good lawyer, very much an up-and-comer, recently promoted to ADA, so he's as good a guy to go to as any for lawyer-ly advice.

"What's... what's it like?" Sonny asks. "Being a lawyer, I mean." He scratches the back of his head. "I'm in night school, Fordham law, and I'm... a little on the fence about what to do if I pass the Bar."

He sits down in front of Dennis's desk. 

"Oh." Dennis sets his pen down, focuses on Sonny. In lawyer-like fashion, the effect of his full attention leaves Sonny feeling vaguely like he's being closely examined under a bright light. Something fluorescent, maybe. 

He smiles. "To be honest," he says, "it's somehow both the best and the worst decision I've ever made."

Sonny frowns. "How so?" He asks.

"Well, I spend all my time trying to convince people of things." Dennis says, leaning back in his chair. "It gets frustrating a lot, especially with juries- but winning a case is... unlike anything I've ever felt." He grins. "It's absolutely incredible. And, being an ADA, I get to try to administer justice."

"Huh." Carisi exhales. 

Dennis looks at him. "I'm gonna take a wild guess here- you don't know whether or not you want to pursue law or stay a detective after you pass the Bar?" He asks sympathetically.   
Sonny chuckles. "Pretty much hit the nail on the head, Councillor." He says. "I mean, I think being a lawyer could be amazing, and I've invested a lot of time in law school, but I love my job at the SVU and a law degree could only make me a better detective-"

The man across from him smiles. "Yeah, you've got a dilemma there, my friend." He balances his pen between his fingers. "Really, you should sleep on it. Trust your gut- you're a cop, after all." He winks.

Before Sonny can respond, the door to Dennis's office opens.

Barba walks in.

What the fuck.

Sonny feels his body temperature ratchet up about five degrees instantly- his face flushes in a second, then his ears, his neck, because fuck, he's wearing Barba's tie, an impulse decision in the early hours of the morning and coming down here was a mistake, but what were the goddamn odds that he'd run into the guy three floors away from his office-

"Dennis, I need the tape from the Holland deposition." Barba begins before he's even fully in the room, apparently not seeing Carisi yet. "I would have sent Carol, but she's sick today and there wasn't enough time to call in a temp-"

He stops dead in his tracks.

"I didn't realize you had company." He says slowly, eyes flicking quickly from Dennis to Carisi to Carisi's chest, where his tie- Barba's tie- feels like a noose around his neck. Fuck.

Dennis stands. "Yeah, Barba, this is Detective Carisi, SVU..." He trails off, eyes narrowing a fraction, observing. "I guess you know each other?"

"We've... worked together." Barba replies, tearing his eyes away from the stupid navy-and-periwinkle tie Sonny's wearing and focusing on Dennis. "Do you have the deposition tape?"

"Oh, yeah." Dennis opens a desk drawer, pulls out a memory stick for a camcorder, hands it to the other man. "I think that's it."

Barba nods. "And Carisi." He says. "Come with me if you're finished here, I need to discuss something with you." He doesn't look back but walks out the door, leaving Sonny scrambling to grab the box he came here for, say a hasty "thank you, goodbye" to Dennis, and follow him.

~~~~~~

"What were you doing in Dennis's office?" Barba strides behind his desk, glances up at him- damn, he doesn't lose any time when they get to his office. He's trying to affect a nonchalant tone. It's kind of working. "I thought he was mostly white collar cases."

Sonny shrugs. "Yeah, there was a DNA tie-in between a rape case that we had and a bank robbery from last year." He says. "Liv sent me to pick up the files." His eyebrows furrow. "Why am I here? Do we have a case on trial?"

Barba purses his lips. "Not... exactly."

Sonny pauses as something... incredible dawns on him. "Oh my god, you're jealous." He exclaims, grinning. "You don't like not being the only ADA the SVU consults with."

"That's patently ridiculous." Barba frowns. 

Carisi doesn't stop smiling.

Barba doesn't speak for a moment- then, he sets the memory stick that he got from Dennis on his desk and looks at Sonny. Strangely. "Is that my tie?" He asks, and a jolt of... something electric runs through Sonny- fuck, he noticed, he's gonna make a big deal out of this, isn't he- Sonny's dead, he's gone, he's gonna be found in bits in the East River tomorrow morning.

Quick, Sonny, this is the time to practice the 20k/year bullshitting skills you've been learning at Fordham. "Uh." He replies. Very smooth, he thinks. "Uh, is it? You must have left it at my place the other day-"

Barba still has that strange look in his eyes. Sonny doesn't know how to categorize it. The ADA walks around his desk, eyebrows knitted together.

He keeps going, one step in front of the other, until he's about a foot away from the detective- by now, Carisi's completely frozen, heart hammering in his chest so hard he can hear blood beating a rhythm in his ears. 

"Councillor..." Sonny says, softly, as though he's afraid of popping this little bubble of.. incredulous fantasy that seems to be surrounding them. He's half-tempted to pinch himself, to make sure this isn't another dream. 

"It matches your suit." Barba mutters, quietly, and he reaches up and- fuck, he touches the knot of the tie around Sonny's neck, gently, and Sonny can't help it, he lets out a small, high-pitched noise- he's so torn between kissing the other man full on the mouth and dropping to his knees in front of him, but the decision is made for him when Barba leans upwards and presses his lips against Carisi's.

Sonny's breath hitches. He freezes for a second before, as cliche as it sounds, he melts- actually, it's more like activating a fucking yu-gi-oh card, the way he suddenly wraps his stupidly long arms around Barba, kissing back with some kind of fervor.

After what may have been several seconds, or minutes, or sunlit days, they break apart, panting- Sonny can feel the flush in his own face, feel how wide his eyes have become, and takes in the sight of Rafael Barba post-kiss- cheeks and ears bright pink, eyes bright, breathing hard.

His hands are settled around Sonny's waist. Carisi's arms are still around him.

Sonny's face breaks into an enormous smile.

Barba blushes, huffs, starts to back away, but Sonny, seized by a sudden shock of panic when the other man's hands begin to slip off his hips- what if he regrets? What if he thinks it was a mistake?-, tangles his own arms around Barba's shoulders, effectively trapping him unless he wants to try and squirm away. Which he won't. He has way too much stubborn pride for that.

"You like me." Carisi looks at him, still smiling.

"Let go of me." Barba says half-heartedly, but leans into Sonny nonetheless, and wouldn't this look strange if anyone were to come in? "I've got work to do."

"You called me in here." Sonny grins. "'Cause you were jealous."

"I plead the fifth." Barba grumbles, frowning up at Carisi. "Besides, don't you have cases to work?"

The other man chuckles. "Not until you make me a promise." He says, looking directly at Barba. "Promise you'll come to my place tonight so we can talk."

"I don't like talking to you." Barba lies. "It's incredibly tiring."

"Please?" Carisi asks. "I mean, you started this, now you have to see it through."

"Starting a relationship with emotional blackmail, that sounds promising." Barba rolls his eyes. 

Sonny grins. "So you agree this is a relationship." He says.

"Maybe." Barba mutters. "We'll talk tonight. Now let me go."

He does, but not before leaning over and pressing a long kiss to Barba's cheek, which is completely goddamn insane, and Carisi leaves with a smile and a wave.

~~~~~~

Sonny's walking on clouds until he reaches the precinct and uses the bathroom. He freezes, water running over his hands, mid-rinse.

Holy fuck.

He fucking kissed Barba. Rafael Barba. He, Detective Dominick "Sonny" Carisi, had his fucking arms around Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba, and their faces had been frickin connected- He's gonna go talk to him later. About the possibility of a goddamn fucking relationship-

He inhales sharply and brings his hands up to cover his face. They're still wet. Water trails from his fingers, down the sides of his wrists, onto his forearms, soaking into where his sleeves are rolled up. 

He can feel his mouth stretching into a helpless smile under his palms.

~~~~~~

It's nine o'clock before there's a rapping at Sonny's door.

Carisi startles off the couch, where he has definitely not been sprawled despondently since seven waiting for a certain lawyer to show up, and scrambles to peer through the peephole- oh, thank God, it's Barba. He grabs for the doorknob.

Barba's still dressed in the suit he was wearing at the office. He must have come directly- or almost directly, Sonny thinks, because he's holding a bag of takeout and his briefcase.

"Hey." Sonny grins, exhaling a relieved breath in one rush. There's a moment of silence. It's not quite awkward.

Barba shifts his weight between his feet. "Can I come in?" He raises an eyebrow, and Carisi blinks, clears the doorway, and shuts the door behind the other man after he steps over the threshold.

"I wasn't sure what you like, but I brought Chinese." Barba sets the bag, which smells amazing, on Sonny's tiny excuse for a dining table, and turns around and now that Sonny's sober he can fully appreciate the incredible sight of ADA Rafael Barba in his apartment of his own free will.

Carisi walks over, opens the bag, sighs in happiness. "Whatever you got smells fantastic." He says, grabbing the paper plates and plastic utensils. Barba starts pulling containers out. His elbow keeps brushing against Sonny's arm.

Sonny really, really does want to talk. Honestly.

He sets his hand on Barba's shoulder, just to test it out- to see how it feels, to touch him, casually, when he wants, without the other man shrugging him off or thinking he's a weirdo, and Rafael doesn't flinch away. Instead, he pauses in his movements and shifts to look up at Sonny.

Fuck this.

Sonny leans down, presses his lips against Barba's, who responds almost instantly, as though he were expecting it- damn lawyers, knowing how to read everyone. They kiss, warm, a little dry, and at some point Sonny's hands curl around Rafael's face like he's holding a bowl of something warm and immeasurable, feeling Rafael's jawline, the base of his ears, the short, immaculately groomed hair on the side of his head under his fingertips. Barba's hands have anchored themselves firmly around Sonny's slim waist.

They break apart, their breathing heavy in the air between them, pressed closely together, and fuck, this feels like a dream.

"Pinch me. So I know I'm not dreaming." Sonny teases, breathless, happier than he can remember being in a while.

Rafael smiles, rolls his eyes, and chooses to kiss him again.

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: I REALLY ENJOYED THE LINE "IT'S MORE LIKE ACTIVATING A FUCKING YU-GI-OH CARD" OK
> 
> and please tell me if these characters are off. i don't think i've got them completely pinned yet
> 
> idk if this is gonna stay a one-shot or not. i have so many barisi fics in-progress lmao
> 
> [hmu on tumblr](http://serpentinej.tumblr.com)


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